Official Final Fantasy VII Strategy Guide (1997)

Author: David Cassady | Page Count: 223

"Thanks to everyone for trying their hardest
to make this the best book possible."

Umm....

I purchased this guide the same day my dad spontaneously decided that it was time for us to get a Playstation. He was going to buy one over Christmas, but he really wanted to play Nascar 98 with his friends (I know, I know). Ergo, we had an impromptu spending spree. It’s a memory I will always cherish. I still have the games, this guide, and Smash Mouth’s Fush Yu Mang. Let’s see how this holds up.

Like the game itself, there are a number of typos. Unfortunately, this bleeds into the very way the guide is structured. They set out to label the entrances and exits of each game-screen with numbers. Except, sometimes, they forgot to include the exit number from the previous picture on the next picture, as an entrance number. Further, based on the sidebars, they initially intended to label items with letters. However, in the text, they refer to event locations and NPCs by letters, as well. Eventually, they start referring to significant buildings that way, too. In one instance, there are similar pictures of the same screen, and the second one, on the next set of pages, is labeled, but not the one that exists beside the relevant text. Some things referred to in the text by a letter seemingly correspond to screen-shots that were not ultimately included.

At one point, the use of letters to denote shops, treasure chests, NPCs, and entrances(!) AT THE SAME TIME results in a gigantic confusing mess. There are ‘A’s as far as the eye can see on those pages, in addition to the usual numbers!

The ways they managed to screw up the labels in this book are a little bit awe-inspiring.

The explanation of one puzzle in particular is almost perfectly made more confusing by one word utilized therein. It's so acutely wrong that it seems intentional. The Chocobo raising guide is a nice starting point for understanding how to create the special types, but if you want detailed specifics (I.e., you have better things to do with your life than endlessly experiment with breeding birds), go find a dedicated FAQ. The lists in the back of the book were compiled by someone other than Cassady. One thing that he stopped short of spoiling in the text, is spoiled in a list. Communication, guys. Communication.

Nice pieces of official artwork are used, but outside of the stock character art, they are universally desaturated, lowered in contrast, and exist only as backgrounds that are barely visible. Why bother? A piece of Vincent is used for every set of pages covering the Side Quests. Consequently, the top of every left-oriented page has black text on a black portion of the background. It’s barely legible. There are errors in the bestiary entries, and some are entirely blank of data. Some enemies present in certain areas are not listed beside those sections of the text, only in the dedicated appendix. I suppose they included only as many as they had space for on the cramped pages. In several places, they include a gaggle of FMV caps when they could have used that space for appropriately rendered artwork.

I don’t know why enemy skills are not prioritized in these guides. Yes, most are gimmicky and you’ll never use them, but a few are always virtually essential. I like how they’re mentioned after-the-fact, here, when they’ll be useful, not when you can actually learn them. That's sarcasm, folks. Some of them are entirely missable.

If you’re willing to ignore the screenshots and just read the text, you will be MOSTLY fine, but you shouldn’t have to. They are a crucial part of an endeavor such as this. In a world of FAQs, the pictures and artwork are the only selling point of these guides, for most consumers. An author’s approach, their humor and elaboration, can also bring purpose and life to them, but this one is written in the most basic way possible. It fails to have any significant, lasting purpose.

Everyone at Brady Games should have tried harder. Unlike Olafson, who mostly only suffered from the lack of information inherent to being a Westerner, writing in the year VI was released, Brady Games failed to properly visually lay out the (mostly correct) information (and artwork) they actually had at their disposal. The blame falls squarely on their heads.

If you want a comprehensive FAQ that has wit and verve, I recommend Absolute Steve's.

½-Assed, At Best out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

Final Fantasy III Players Guide (1995)

Author: Peter Olafson | Page Count: 164

“They’re a good bunch of people, in a real story, full of twists and turns, and you can put your heart into them. Many of them have something in their past that’s holding them back, and you’ll have to help them come to grips with their inner demons.”

In the days before Squeenix was hiding things behind otherwise unremarkable endless walls of textures, and denying you an ultimate weapon for doing something as natural as opening chests at the beginning of a game, Square Soft was in the business of providing players with far more innocent secrets. The type that you could actually stumble onto yourself, if you were thorough enough in your explorations. Back then, your parents may have bought you a strategy guide out of the kindness of their hearts, because they saw them on the rack, not because they were harangued by an employee who counterintuitively wants to remain in the employ of a vampiric and entirely disreputable mega-chain.

Times heartbreakingly change.

My original copy of this went missing, sadly, and I will wholeheartedly admit that this is an endeavor of nostalgia. However, as a matter of personal principle, I do not allow things to remain solely in its softening and heralding glow. I’m here to be (as) completely objective (as a human can be) about its advice, given my twenty plus years of experience with the game. There is no disrespect intended to Mr. Olafson, regardless of the outcome, not the least of which is because of a passage of the introduction that has stuck with me all this time, completely in the absence of the book itself:

“Finally, if possible, hook your machine up to stereo speakers and a nice big TV. The music is superb, and the graphics shine whether you’re looking at something as simple as a section of wall, or whipping across the landscape in Super NES’s special ‘Mode 7.’”

Even the walls in FF VI are works of art, and he acknowledges that, the same as I do, to this very day. Graphics and filmmaking, and honestly anything created by mankind, are all a product of the realities of the world and the technology available at the time that they were birthed. Yes, sometimes we’re able to eventually do some things ‘better,’ but the age of a piece of media shouldn’t be held against it, as a matter of course. There are people out there who disregard things because of such circumstances and I pity them. I won’t say ‘limitations,’ because in some cases they are actually strengths. Technological Zeitgeist can be very powerful and I unquestionably believe it to be in regards to FF VI. Sprites are beautiful and these are the best I’ve seen.

Unlike with Chrono Trigger, where I adore the sprites, but cannot stomach the original Dragon Ball Z-esque artwork, I do in fact like Yoshitaka Amano’s foundational character artwork for VI. It is deliberately peppered throughout this book, to my utter joy. It is joined by a number of boundary-less charts detailing things such as the Magicite available in the game and the characters’ unique skills. However, there are some rather grave omissions on that particular front, and a few others. Olafson fails to list the majority of Strago’s Lores, or what monsters he can learn them from. Only a small few are mentioned in passing, which is unfortunate because many require special techniques to even be elicited at all. He does not touch on the Dances that Mog can miss out on permanently. I cannot hold the lack of coverage on Gau’s Rages against him, however, as the list is extensive and intensely daunting, which in turns makes it unlikely that he, or any casual fan, would know that it’s actually not completable at all, without a cheat device. Especially as a Westerner in 1994-95!!!

He also somewhat inaccurately describes the mechanics for maximizing one’s score in one specific mini-game and neglects the specifics of a boss with an unorthodox gimmick. I suppose he simply got lucky on all of his playthroughs? He seemingly missed seeing three essential flashbacks on all of those runs, as well.

I realize that the immediately preceding paragraphs are very punitive in nature. However, outside of the final bullet-point, Olafson repeatedly demonstrates that he possesses not only a chronic sense of humor about the proceedings, but also a deep abiding reverence for the STORY. One that I have always shared. Even though he does not deliver a few important pieces of information, he will not lead a player astray in terms of the timeless and shining narrative. In fact, he basically retells it, here, and when I read this straight through, I felt the same emotional stings as I do when playing the game. He conveys so eloquently that he understands the value of it. He kids about it because he loves it, the same as I do.

I had completely forgotten that he outright states to the Western audience that this is actually FF VI, and not really III. I clearly forgot early on, as I was befuddled when VII was released, like many others were. He was ahead of the curve in many regards, including his passion. And, in this day and age, that’s really the only reason to buy this: if you want something that accurately embodies your feelings about the game. To know that you’re not alone, much the same as what is conveyed by the game itself.

3 Startlingly On-Point Beatles References out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

The Sandman Presents: The Furies (2002)

Author: Mike Carey  |  Illustrator: John Bolton  |  Page Count: 96

"...the immortality resides in the role, not in the being that enacts it."

Events in The Furies take place a few years after the end of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman saga (1989-96).  It continues the story of one of the secondary characters, Lyta Hall, so if you've not read all 75 issues (collected as ten volumes) then you’ll be missing a huge chunk of backstory.  In truth, it would be best to not read The Furies if you lack that Sandman knowledge, because it’s largely reliant on it.

Carey’s words build an atmosphere that’s thick and oppressive.  Bolton’s painted art compliments it.  He’s a superb artist, so it’s hard to say for sure but there may be some actual photography blended into the backgrounds.  Either way, it manages to be more emotionally affecting than the text; it’s as if there’s actual pain and a unique kind of anguish captured in the brush strokes.

The text is structured similar to a Greek myth but within that there’s a recurring theme of attempting to understand what’s required to play a role.  We’re asked to wonder if the proper surroundings would make it any more real.  Imagine being witness to a Shakespeare play performed in the actual Globe Theatre.  There’s no doubt that the historical setting would add an extra element to your appreciation and a special kind of resonance to the happenings.

Carey’s best works manage to provide both a satisfying ending to the story and somehow leave a reader with deep thoughts rolling round in their head, thoughts that inspire further, relevant readings; he achieves that with The Furies.

3½ pomegranate seeds out of 5

Frozen Heat (2012)

Author: Richard Castle | Page Count: 313

Just like back then, dazed, empty, and terribly alone, she watched a forensics team work that same apartment from the same perspective. Surrounded by broken glass and toppled furnishings, Nikki felt as shaken as any earthquake could cause her to feel, making the very ground under her feet suspect and untrustworthy.

The book series is following the same ramping up of the TV series as the plot is now getting more involved in a central plot rather than stand alone mysteries and the stakes are getting bigger. Detective Nikki Heat shows up to her latest crime scene of a murdered woman shoved into a suitcase and left in the back of a refrigerator truck, but is unaware of how this case will possibly upend her life and perspective just like the earthquakes that are shaking up New York.

This 4th book in the series feels both the same and different from the others. It still reads like an unused script from the show, but less so and doesn't follow the same pattern as the others. The characters are starting to feel like regular characters rather than the parodies of the TV counterparts that they actually are. Whether because it is written better or because this far into the series I have just come to accept it is debatable, but it doesn't change the fact that this installment felt much more enthralling and engaging than the others. The writing is still crisp with an effective mix of drama and snarky comedy. Just like the show it is tied into. Effective cross media stuff.

4 Assaulting your boss always nets a dream vacation out of 5

The Fault in Our Stars (2012)

Author: John Green  |  Page Count: 313

“I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have and I am in love with you.”

I’m too old to say that I want to be like John Green when I grow up. Disturbing as it is, I’m already grown up. So, I want to be like John Green, right now. In his case, being categorized as a "Teen" or "Young Adult" author is a double-edged sword. It’s absolutely wonderful for teens themselves as Green never condescends, never holds back, never lies. On the other hand, it’s disheartening to think that some adults will never read his books because of that label.

John is unfathomably gifted in spinning tales of love and life that are throroughly genuine because they aren’t perfect. They are flawed, and momentary—built specifically of moments fleeting to those not personally experiencing them. Somehow, he is able to make universal truths feel achingly personal.

Every revelation his characters experience feels fresh. They are not constructed of platitudes and maxims. In fact, said characters often deride them directly and swiftly in the course of their development. Hazel and Augustus burn through their fair share in the Fault in Our Stars, as they are often chokingly surrounded by them in their lives as ‘Cancer kids.’ Together they work through their own feelings about being bereft of certain futures while struggling with their impact on everyone around them. Along the way they bond over an incomplete book which leads them halfway around the world in search of its reclusive author, and to the understanding of what it truly means to finish a book.

At the end of the day, what they learn and experience is just as relevant to those of us with less tenuous futures as it is to them. Of course, as John points out, that’s an important facet of all fiction. Live and love, in the face of death, and in the face of life.

5 Regretlessly pulled pins out of 5

Nutted by NEG

Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation (2009)

Author: Ray Bradbury | Illustrator: Tim Hamilton | Page Count: 149

"Books, so the damned snobbish critics said, were dishwater.

No wonder books stopped selling. The public, knowing what it wanted, let the comic books survive."

A comic adaptation of Bradbury's classic novel; I've already reviewed the novel HERE so I won't go over the plot again. This transition from novel to comic is fully authorised by Bradbury, so you would expect a faithful retelling. (He doesn't let just anyone have his works, he recently told his publisher to "go to hell" when they wanted to release 451 as an e-book. Sadly, he was forced to give in, once more proving that the publishing world has caught up with the film world in not giving a damn about the author’s intentions.)

It uses Bradbury's own dialogue but the majority of the descriptive language is lost, and it's that part of writing that Bradbury excels in. His character dialogue is often simplistic and minimal. Also, there are some parts of the story absent. I was expecting that, but mercifully it's not enough to dilute the story too much. It's heavily abridged but it's not overly dismissive; it's made some changes that are acceptable to facilitate a different medium, and some which aren't. It retains the same concerns and sense of urgency in action, but the loss of that descriptive language is a severe handicap, especially the ending which is hurried and lifeless.

The artwork is excellent. The frame in never cluttered, it shows only what's important and does it from some interesting angles. On the down side, it's that lazy digital colouring technique that I really don't like; it's turning comics into a standardised art form that keeps everything the same (ironically similar to one of the themes of the novel). It uses a muted palette of earthy browns and cold blues, contrasted with the fiery orange and yellow of the flames when the firemen do their thing. The best part of the colouring is the wonderful use of shadows and blacks; they're deep and symbolic, casting faces in gloom and insinuating secrets and character failings. It reminds me somewhat of Tim Sale's work on Batman, or the colouring in Mignola's Hellboy comics.

There's too much missing from the story to recommend this as an alternative to the novel, but enough included to perhaps inspire someone to move from the pictures to the prose. In that respect, it's partially successful.

2½ shadows in the bedroom out of 5

Fahrenheit 451 (1953)

Author: Ray Bradbury | Page Count: 172

"Go home and think of your first husband divorced and your second husband killed in a jet and your third husband blowing his brains out, go home and think of the dozen abortions you’ve had, go home and think of that and your damn Caesarian sections, too, and your children who hate your guts! Go home and think how it all happened and what did you ever do to stop it?"

Fahrenheit 451 tells of a time when the written word is anathema, books are burned for their heretic meanings and too much knowledge is forbidden. If one man is smarter than another it makes the other man feel shame and inadequacy. The state doesn't want that; they want everyone to be happy; everyone to be the same; no one to question the equilibrium or to protest.

Television is the dominant information medium, delivering sound and fury but saying nothing and meaning even less.

Life slithers along under a coloured blanket; the colour is grey and occasionally the colour of flame, but only if you try to think for yourself.

If you dare to own a book the firemen will come and burn it (and your home) because that’s what firemen do. It’s what they've always did, isn't it? Montag asks that question and the consequences of such an independent, suffering thought turn his life into an inferno of frightened indecision and instinctual abrupt actions.

It's a dystopian novel but that doesn't mean it’s depressing. Bradbury doesn't do depressing. He does heartfelt and cordial emotion, tinged with a beautiful sadness that touches your heart in a very special way. You can read an entire page effortlessly because his prose flows like water over glass, but stop and take the time to examine the words and you’ll be amazed at their strength and subtle power. I'm in awe of the great man’s ability to mould such a crude language into something so beautifully understated. It's a short book but has enduring ideas that have the potential to remain with the reader forever.

If I was to be burned for owning a book it would be for owning F451.

5 families in the TV out of 5