The Sandman Presents: Petrefax (2000)

Author: Mike Carey  |  Illustrator: Steve Leialoha  |  Page Count: 88 (22 x 4)

"I had fallen in love with a dead woman.

I asked myself if this was irony or merely an occupational hazard..."

A four issue miniseries that follows Petrefax, the apprentice undertaker from the necropolis Litharge, who first appeared in The Sandman: Vol VIII: Worlds' End (1994).  He's now a journeyman, seeking life experience in the wider, weirder world.  His travels take him to the bustling Malegrise, a place that brings to mind England of centuries gone by; the biggest difference being that 18th Century England wasn't home to sorcerers and demons (as far as we know).

I'm glad it was Carey that was given the job of writing the miniseries.  It suits his talents perfectly.  He was sole author of the ongoing Lucifer series at the same time Petrefax was published, but there's no evidence that he was stretching himself too thin.  In fact, the reverse seems to be the case.  He must've been on a creative high, because both works are excellent.

It's not just the undertaker's tale.  It's also the story of the people he meets, among them a spirited, overconfident, beautiful woman and a vulgar, powerful Lord.  Each one adds something unique to an adventure filled with death, love, jealousy, problem-solving, stupidity, surreptitious behaviour and much more.

Text boxes take the form of an ongoing letter penned by Petrefax and addressed to his master, Klaproth, the man, you may remember, to whom he was apprenticed in Litharge.  It’s both a commentary on events from the journeyman’s own point of view and an insight into his thought process.  As such, it's safe to assume one of two things: that for Petrefax the story has already ended and we’re reading about it afterwards, or that the meeting of present happenings (image) and future reflection (words) passed onto the reader is simply a literary device giving us a fuller picture with the added benefit of hindsight, something that was denied the protagonists at the time.

4 funerary arts out of 5

The Physics of Star Trek (1995)

Author: Lawrence Krauss  |  Page Count: 188

'Thanks to Albert Einstein and those who have followed in his footsteps, the very fabric of spacetime is filled with drama.'

It's common knowledge that Star Trek not only 'boldly' ignored the laws of grammar, but that it wilfully ignored the laws of physics, too, However, in some instances the real-world science behind the fictional quick-fixes is surprisingly close to the TV show technobabble. Most fans will know why transporters were introduced, but not how they would theoretically work. TPoST provides answers.

It doesn't set out to debunk or discredit TV writers—it's not trying to achieve credibility by standing on the ashes of others—instead it aims to inform and explore the reality of what would be needed to achieve the life-changing physics used in the show. It's not just another boring cash-in / tie-in / stick-the-arm-in book designed to milk the wallets of every weak-willed Trek fan ever.

Thankfully, you won't need a degree in quantum mechanics to make sense of the text, but some basic high school science knowledge will help. If you know why Newton owes a debt to an apple, or why Einstein is more than a black and white poster in a student dig, then you're all set. I don't know if true physicists or mathematicians would agree, but for an average Joe like me the structure of the book is a credit to the author. Complex theories are built bit by bit atop a foundation of easier concepts, making it very easy to follow.

Not everything pertaining to a hobby or interest need pander to its target audience. Often the best additions are the ones that teach us something of value at the same time, whether it be academic or emotional. I think a large percentage of Trek fans would agree with that statement because even if Paramount weren't in it to challenge norms and teach by example, Gene was, and the people he reached keep that vision alive. Ultimately, TPoST is perfect for Trek fans who possess a passion for learning and have an interest in the wonder of science.

4 cosmic poker games out of 5

Pretty Deadly: Vol 1: The Shrike (2014)

Author: Kelly Sue DeConnick  |  Illustrator: Emma Ríos  |  Page Count: 120

“This world ain’t been kind to me.  I say let it burn.”

Being described as a series ‘that marries the magical realism of Sandman with the western brutality of Preacher,’ was enough to get me interested. The fact that it’s selling at a special price (just over £5) was enough of an incentive to get me to take a chance. I'm glad I did. If Pretty Deadly continues to be as good as Vol 1, I'll be buying every TPB. It might just be able to fill the gap that was left in my comic-reading life after binging on Mike Carey’s Lucifer (2000-06).

It’s a Western centred on a small handful of well-written characters, each with a murky past that either they’re aware of, attempting to hide, or are oblivious to.
One of those people is Ginny, a woman on a mission. Ginny is a yellow-eyed violent force within an already violent world. She has a skull mark on her face but it’s not just for show—it has a deeper meaning. The meaning is revealed when DeConnick’s darkly poetic prose hits its stride.

Emma Ríos provides the art. It has weight to it. People’s faces have history ingrained in the creases and cuts. The wide panels are cinematic. They’re contrasted by small, square boxes that get up close and personal with the action, which helps tell the story in the proper sense of the word; it’s not separate from it like in many superhero comics that include fight scenes as an obligation more than anything else. It’s fast paced, so can be a little confusing at times but not so much that careful analysis won’t reveal the intention and intricacies.

Jordie Bellaire’s colouring is complementary and dark, making good use of dusty oranges, inky blacks, and reds that aren't far removed from the colour of congealed blood. It captures perfectly the savageness of the environment.

If there was some way for comic creators to do the kind of director commentaries that we get on dvds, I’d want one for PD with all three women present.

The book collects together Pretty Deadly issues 1 - 5.

5 frolics in Death's garden out of 5

The Punisher: Welcome Back, Frank (2001)

Author: Garth Ennis | Illustrator: Steve Dillon | Page Count: 288

‘By the time he’s done, I've passed out half a dozen times, the bullet is almost bitten through, and I'm holding the forty-five so tight the barrel’s dripping blood.’

Like the colours of the logo emblazoned on Frank’s chest, a lot of writers tend to make their Punisher stories black and white when it comes to motivations.  They see the character as either a troubled victim lashing out at the world that created him or as a hopelessly violent sociopath who enjoys what he does and cares little for anything else.  Both of those perspectives are in fact true but there’s much more to Frank Castle.  There’s a psychological depth that can be explored, and when that happens the stories take on a second life.

With that in mind, it made sense to hire writer Garth Ennis to bring Frank back to Earth.  Prior to this reboot Frank had been working for a group of angels, killing sinners with ridiculous supernatural weapons.  Something had to be done before he disappeared up the ass of incredulity forever.  Ennis’ love of violence and black humour, and his dislike of traditional ‘superhero’ stories, seemed like he’d make a perfect fit, but it’s not as perfect as it should’ve been.
It’s disappointing that he ignored the potential and instead went all out to make his début on the character as explosive and as violent as possible.  Not content with just one vigilante killing people he added more and butchered dozens.  It certainly helped wash away the memory of what came before but it’s far from his best work.  His usual black humour is there but it’s smothered under the brutality.

The first half of the book is filled with awful dialogue.  Here’s an example: “Well, don’t just stand there!  There he is!  Get him!”  It’s uninspired bad guy stuff, and henchmen are dumb cannon fodder.  I struggled on and the second half of the book saved the day.  It had secondary characters worth caring about and when all was said and done it delivered a decent conclusion for everyone involved.  Ennis had taken baby steps (in puddles of blood) toward a more interesting Frank.

The art is something else that could’ve been better.  Artist Steve Dillon worked with Ennis years before on the British comic 2000 AD, and together they’d created the controversial long running series Preacher (1995 - 2000) for Vertigo.  The problem isn't his pencils but Chris Sotomayer’s bland colouring.  There’s a good chance he was working to Marvel’s brief because a lot of their output around this era was similarly boring and lazy but it doesn't make it any easier to ignore.

The book collects together The Punisher Vol 3, issues 1 – 12.

3 or more limbs removed out of 5

The Pocket Book of Boosh (2009)

Author: Various (inc. Noel Fielding & Julian Barratt) | Page Count: 304

"…prose so taught you can feel the veins."

If you liked The Mighty Boosh TV Series, then you'll probably like this. Provided you like books. And can read. If you can't read, there are pictures. It even has a comic book featuring Rudy and Spider.

The content is exactly the same as The Mighty Book of Boosh, which came first, and was bigger. This one came second, and is smaller. I shit you not. That's as complicated as it gets.

3 Ol’ Gregg watercolours out of 5

Phallic Frenzy: Ken Russell and His Films (2008)

Author: Joseph Lanza | Page Count: 384

“When every second counts, it is often necessary to say two things at once; which is why I frequently introduce symbolism into scenes of reality.” –Russell.

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the lover of kitsch and vaudeville imagery Ken Russell but were unable to ask.  It functions as a biography of his early years (although hurries quickly over one of the most traumatic events in his early life, I put this down to a show of respect for Russell) which helps shed light on the reasons for some of his adulthood fixations.  Later, it dissects and gives some juicy behind the scenes info on all his films.  Film fans will find this latter part of most interest.  Personally, I loved both parts.  Although, I had to selectively skip some paragraphs because I've not had the pleasure of viewing certain films yet.  Take note: spoilers aplenty in this book.

The biography part charts Ken’s (slow) rise from his days quietly challenging the uptight poker-in-the-ass BBC TV system, through his enfant terrible days, and finally to his New Forest films.  The book is arranged mostly chronologically which helps understand the progression and reasons for his changing beliefs, and how he integrated them into his filmic works.  Whether you find him offensive or seductive is unimportant, you can't deny his auteur status.

Author Lanza rightly identifies that one of Russell’s “…strongest metaphors is nature, both its majestic and hidden sides.”  Watch any of his films and you’ll come to the same conclusion.  That affinity for nature defines Russell just as much as the religious / sexual imagery that he flaunts.  Together, they form something both glorious and vulgar.  Like the man himself.

Sadly, Ken Russell died in November 2011 (aged 84).

4 masturbating nuns and a dog named poopass out of 5

A Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451 Stories (2010)

Author: Ray Bradbury | Page Count: 389

This is a companion piece to Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 (1953).  It really should come with a warning on the cover but it doesn’t.  I’ll give it:  DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'VE ALREADY READ FAHRENHEIT 451.  It'll spoil that novel for you completely if you do.  It has 14 shorts and 2 novellas.  They all echo or inform the 451 novel in some way, some are tenuously linked and others could almost be a part of it.
Editors Donn Albright and Jon Eller should be ashamed for the lack of information they give about the works.  Were they written before 451?  After?  Do they pave the way, or reflect upon it?
I’m a long time fan so know that all but two of the shorts (‘Bonfire’ and ‘The Library’) have been printed before in previous collections.  The novellas, both also previously published are ‘Long After Midnight’ and ‘The Fireman’.  Both are early versions of 451; they’re well written but the plot is almost identical to the novel, and the two stories are almost identical to each other.  With no explanation from the editors the casual reader will be confused.

If you’re thinking of buying the book for the two new pieces I mentioned, you may be disappointed.  They feel like they were abandoned midway.  The ideas were later integrated into other works.
Every writer has these kinds of things lying around in an ideas drawer; they're extended notes, disembodied scenes, ideas given form but crude and severely underdeveloped.  I don’t believe they were intended to be stand-alone works.  Bradbury isn't that shoddy, ever.  The cynic in me says they're simply used to sell more books.  I wonder what the author would think of their inclusion?

I love Bradbury.  I believe he's the finest living American author and I will shed real tears when he leaves us.  I mean no disrespect to his name but I don’t feel this book is of the usual high standard that we've come to expect.  It’s repackaged reprint by editors that aren't fit to wipe the old man’s ass; reprint that offers little in the way of variety for the reader.  Its only real merit is Bradbury’s poetic voice and his words that settle into the mind like treacle.  My score reflects that aspect of it not the collection which is insulting to the long time fan, and ruinous for the newcomer.  Seek out the original.

2½ kerosene canisters and controlled freedoms out of 5

Planet of the Apes (1963)

Author: Pierre Boulle | Page Count: 128

“Ape is of course the only rational creature, the only one possessing a mind as well as a body. The most materialistic of our scientists recognize the supernatural essence of the simian mind.”

Two space travelers find a message in a bottle floating in space and inside is a manuscript containing the account of one Ulysse Merou. Ulysse recounts how Professor Antelle, assistant Arthur Levain and himself traveled to a new star system to a planet they name Soror. There they find a habitable planet with a thriving civilization. Too bad the inhabitants are intelligent apes and the humans they do find are primitive animals. Ulysse must now deal with the strangely different reality as he maneuvers through the sometimes dangerous idiosyncrasies of an ape civilization.
What follows is a great science fiction story with an ironic subtext aimed at humanity’s vain belief in its own superiority. Even without the underlying satire, which was laid on a little thick in later chapters, it is still a cool “what if” scenario that makes an entertaining read. And it gave a better appreciation for the Tim Burton version of the movie which was more faithful to the source material than I thought. (The super jumps were still a little ridiculous)

4 Extremely well made space-faring bottles out of 5